Early marriage.

Assalamualaikum and hye! Dalam post Pulau Perhentian haritu I’ve mentioned about my friend yg dah kahwin, right?  Alhamdulillah, it is the walimatulurus of one of our classmates, Faiz Tasnim. Congrats Faiz! May the wedding and your family will always be blessed, insyaAllah. This friend of mine already got married at the age of 22. And I have another guy friend who is married too, at the age of 21. Gosh! I am so shocked yet so impressed with them.

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So, this is my point of view of marriage as a single and (loner?). What I am saying here are completely not related with my friend’s wedding okay. It is solely from my random thought when I was thinking about MY early marriage, too (which obviously will never happened) 

For me, marriage is a huge responsibility. You are not just marrying your spouse, but you are marrying the whole family. And it is different. Different from our family who took care of us from a little one until you become a man/ woman. Your family can accept all your flaws because they’ve known you since baby. But this time, it is a completely different story. You are going to enter a whole new family. You need to learn how to adapt and how to get together with them. You need to accept them as your own. You need to love them as much as you love your family.

Marriage itself is not a lovey dovey sweet thingy all the time. It needs preparation, physically, mentally & emotionally. I’m sorry if I put this seriously but mestilah kan marriage is indeed a serious business here. Plus it is kind of sad seeing so many marriage were torn apart because of small & petty reason. I mean, yeah kalau takde jodoh, nak buat macam mana. But still divorce is the scariest thing in everyone’s life.

Marrying someone is a huge decision to be made. You are going to spend your life with him/her for the rest of your life. You are going to take care of each other till your last breath. It is the oath you took during the day of your marriage. ‘Oath’ here is literal meaning for promise. Bukan oath during Christian’s marriage tu je.

Sometimes this random thought came into my mind. Can I be a good wife? Can I be a good daughter-in-law? Will my mother-in-law loves me like my own mum? What if my mother-in-law hates me? What if I could not be as good as she expect me to be? Okay ni bukan thinking dah ni overthinking ni.

Anyhow, you need to prepare everything to get married, right? And the preparation are not only for your wedding but for your life after marriage. There are a lot of things to take into account. You are not getting married just because people around you are getting married. But, you get married when you are ready, when your spouse are ready, to carry all the commitments and responsibilities. When you guys are ready to sacrifice things to make both of you happy. Then, that is the teamwork of marriage! Lol but yeah.

Trust & honesty. This is the foundation you need to build in your relationship. How can you get married with someone you don’t trust? How can you build a relationship out of lie? You need to trust your partner more than others. If someone bad mouthing your partner, don’t swallow it arbitrarily. Siasat dulu. Talk to your partner dulu. The other side pula, be honest! Do not lie to your partner because for me, there is no way I’m going to believe you again once you cheated. That’s that. Lol apahal tetiba garang. But it’s true la kan, once you broke the trust, there is no way to gain it back. Yes, you may explain everything why you lied but things will not be as the same as before again because your partner will always rasa macam was-was nak percaya ke tak kat you. Ha gitu.

Amboi cakap macam dah berkurun bercinta padahal takde siapa nak lagi hahaha. Yes, that’s why people said that single people gives the best advice for relationship. Kah!

I am sorry if what I’m saying here not applicable for anyone of you because you know different people got different situation. And I’m sorry if I sounded so broken macam pernah kena tipu ke apa. Alhamdulillah, no, I’ve never experienced that.

Again, this is based from reading other people’s experience (plus my overthinking-ness). Mehh.

Redha ibubapa. For me, whatever you are doing, it is important to seek their blessing first. Bring your partner to meet with your parents. This somehow show that how important your partner is and how serious you are going to get married with her/him. How he treats your and his parents, is how he will treat you later. And vice versa.

Well, ada juga yang cakap, dah bawa jumpa parents pun boleh curang, okay itu dah diluar bidang kuasa aku. *hands up*

And my advices to all.

For boys and men, you have been given an amanah to take care of someone’s daughter. Please fulfil the amanah as best as you could. Please protect your wife like how you want your mother to be protected. Please bear with women, they might be unpredictable and annoying sometimes. But she is the one whom you choose to be with for the rest of your life. Don’t disappoint her father. You don’t want your daughter to be treated badly too, right?

Please prepare yourself with knowledge. How you are going to guide your wife when you can’t even guide yourself? And it is okay when you are lack of knowledge of something of this and that, we learn as we grow. And that lesson taught us how to become a better person afterward.

Always support your wife, selagi tak bertentangan dengan syarak. If she is working, help her doing chores. If she wants to further her studies, allow and support her to further her studies. If she wants to quit her work, discuss the pros and cons of the decision. But janganlah treat her as bibik pulak bila dia dah jadi housewife. Ingat tak penat ke jadi housewife??!!! Yes, I know your workplace also gives you burden, but that’s not the reason you should expect everything is done when you get home.

Lain la if your wife ni malas, but that’s another storylah.

But, if your wife has done her best and you see anything slack, tolonglah dia, betulkan apa dia buat, cakap baik-baik dengan dia. I’ve known someone who helped her wife to cook and do chores even though his wife is a housewife. Then, what’s your reason? O.o

For girls and for me, please take care of yourself now and then. Allah send our father to care for us when we were young. After our marriage, Allah send our husband to protect us. Look how Allah love us. Hence, please take care of yourself, too. Jaga aurat, jaga peribadi, jaga akhlak, okay? (nohh tudia keluar ostajah dia dahh)

Next, don’t listen to people and keep learning. You know yourself and your partner better. Learning here not only limited to your education and school/university. But other basics life too. If people say you can’t cook so jangan gatal nak kahwin, please don’t give a damn about it. Why?

 Pandai masak because nak kahwin je ke?

Syarat wajib kahwin kena pandai masak ke?

 No, right?

You can always learn to cook. Everywhere, everytime. Asal rajin je, okay? If you malas, fix your laziness, first! Change that attitude and mindset. That is something that no one could help you. Only you and you could change that! Jangan cakap lepas kahwin baru nak berubah. Lepas kahwin baru nak belajar masak. Dude, if you cannot change your attitude now, why you expect everything will change after you get married?

Then, if people say belajar tinggi-tinggi tapi akhirnya masuk dapur jugak, just don't give a damn about it. We have no limit when it comes to education. Just go as high as you can and you want. You are no less than others. Plus, your education will determine how big your dapur in the future, right? B)

Well, I think that’s all I want to bebel for now. Lol apahal random gila cerita pasal early marriage lepastu tetiba masuk dapur? Ok whatever, see you on the next bebel sesh.

And thanks for dengar my bebelan hiks.