Kalau mati lepas bersalin.

‪Me : Nice jugakkan mati lepas beranak. Habis semua dosa lepastu mati.‬

‪Zana : Eh kau ni. Memang la, tapi nanti anak kau tak doakan la untuk kau.‬

‪Me : Laa kenapa pulak. Aku dah beranakkan dia kot, nanti aku suruh la laki aku didik dia elok-elok. Kang dia besar esok dia doa la untuk mak dia.‬

‪Zana : Kau yakin ke dia doa untuk kau nanti? Kalau aku jadi anak kau, aku pun taknak doa untuk kau. Dah lah tak pernah jumpa.‬

‪Eh eh dia ni confident betul XD‬

Dear Mama.

Dear Mama,
I regret that I waste the time to be with you.
I hate that I am not reassuring enough for you.
I am sorry for not being a good daughter to you.

I said sorry.
But, I did it again.
I cared.
But not as much as you care for me.

Dear Mama,
I prayed to God that He will give all your sufferings to me.
It's okay.
As long as you will be healthy.
As long as you will be happy.

I prayed to God that you will be able to live longer than me.
All of us need you. 
All of us must have you.


He has the best plans for us.
He knows we need you.
He knows we are longing for you.
Allah knows. Everything.


He also knows that He will never put us in a situation that we can't handle.

Dear Mama,
Now, I only could pray that He will forgive all your sins. Our sins.
May my prayer will be heard. May my prayer will be granted.
So, we will meet again up there.

The Quran

Nik Rahanah binti Mohamed (16/12/1960 - 13/2/2017)



They're kinda mysterious and maybe dangerous. You'll never know. But at the same time, they will be the person that will help you when you were in trouble in the middle of nowhere. 


You'll never know. 

Supposedly, they're good but some bad people make all the strangers look bad which is sad.

I love strangers. Idk but I can fall in love with them real quick. And I'll remember them forever. Alhamdulillah, for this 20 yrs I've lived, I have never met the bad kind of stranger. They seems bad but trust me they're not hihi.

I took all my mom's advice except this one thing. "Bersangka baik tapi simpan sedikit perasaan buruk sangka kat strangers". Yeah, she said that because she has been cheated by many persons when she was helping them. and of course, she makan garam more than me. So, she is just trying help me to face the reality of the world. 

But I just can't. I easily sympathized people and I easily felt guilty if  I can't do anything to help them.

So, here is the story.

I am the person who loved to walk alone. Yes, I have friends. But sometimes, it's good to be alone. Dengar macam creepy ke loner? XD So, the minutes you walked or traveled by yourself is the moment you could see the world clearly. 

Is it true?
Or it is just for me?

Idk for others, but sometimes I love to see the people around me. See what they're doing, how they treat their kids, how they talked and see how beautiful they are. Okay, now I really sounds like a creep hahaha. But it's called observing kay ahahaha

So I studied at CFSIIUM and I explored KL by bus, LRT & commuter (even the prices are kinda expensive after they increased 'em). So there was a time I joined this photography kinda thing called '24hourproject' which requires you to post a picture every hour in one day. Yes, even at 3 a.m. And of course I didnt do it for the whole day hahaha. Usually they held this programme on 1st March every year. And it must be street photography! Yes I forgot to mention this haha.

Okay back to the story, when I was joining this programme, I walked alone all over Masjid Jamek & Pasar Seni. Then, at the bridge of the Pejabat Pos, there was a man. Chinese-looked.


And there is me.
NICE, screw myself.

 I have nowhere to go but straight and he is in front of me also walking towards me. So,  I act as a cool person padahalllll dalam hatiiii XD 

Then, he approached me and asked for help. I asked "What is it?" and he showed me a cigarette box. He asked me to buy it.  I startled and like "muka aku macam hisap rokok ke?". But I didn't say anything la and wait for his explanation. 

So, he was from Vietnam and studied here, but his wallet has been stolen and the cigarette is all he got to take LRT to his college. I didn't remember where. But, he asked me so politely to buy the cigarette for at least, he got some money to go back..

So, that's what make me think that he is a good person. I wanted to help him but I don't want the cigarette, though. and I don't have friends who smoke even if I could buy the cigarette. 

So, I opened my wallet in front of him. And gave him some money. Not much but maybe enough for his transportation. He thanked me and I walked away quickly (my job is not finished yet XD). Suddenly, he ran to me and gave a keychain. Maybe it is also the only thing that he got at the moment to show his gratitude. I refused because I just want to help him. And that's it.  But, he insisted so, I have no choice but to accept it (and I dont want to stay any longer). 

And I still keep the keychain until now. For what?
I don't know, it's a memory?
Because he is good-looking? LOL

Okay, now here is the issue, when I think again, it was a really dangerous action. I was too 'bersangka baik' of that person.

He might snatch my wallet when I opened it in front of him.
He might pukau me.
He might do anything to me as there was no person around.
He might put up an act with his friends to set a prank.
He might deceive me with his kindness.

But, I don't know. I don't have the time to think that the person might do any bad thing. For me, when anyone asked for help, I'll help as long as I could. Especially when it is strangers. Because you know they are desperate!! Like freaking desperate. 

When you are desperate, you will do anything, right? Even talk to someone who you don't even know. Even do the thing you have never done before i.e ask for money. Yeah, can you imagine being at that guy's situation?

So, I think it is my responsible to help them if they asked me. Just imagine if you helped that person, you might save a life. You also migt be remembered by that person for their whole life. And Allah will easily send someone to help you in the future.

Put aside whether they cheated and what not. If you have time to follow that person to see whether they really cheat or not, that might be better. But for me, I'll just let it be. The rest is his matter with Allah.

Ustaz Azhar Idrus pun ada cakap, kalau kita tolong orang yang menipu kita.Kita akan dapat dua pahala. 

Pahala menolong orang.
Pahala kena tipu.

So, you have nothing to lose and more to gain, man! So, let's spread the kindness to the whole world hihi :)

p/s : But, don't be like me, I admit my action is so dangerous that I didnt even tell my parents about this incident. So, do it in your on way. Safely, I mean.

p/s/s : Mind the grammar.

CFSIIUM or Centre for Foundation Studies, International Islamic University Malaysia, Petaling Jaya.

Assalamualaikum !

Okay biasalah, muka muka macm ni jugaklah yang buat entry sekali setahun. :P

Soooooo, today I wanna share you about the lamest thing ever. Pasal unibersiti kita ni. Biasalah (adik-adik) lepasan SPM seharusnya tengah mencari blog-blog hakak2 / habang2 senior uniersiti dorang nanti kan? Tahun lepas aku buat benda sama jugak and memang blog-blog senior sebenarnya lagi penting & membantu daripada website universiti itu sendiri.

So, since dah banyak blog orang lain cakap benda yang sama, aku cuba untuk cerita benda yang lain daripada lain sikit. Well, everyone has their own persective kan? So, my perspectives will be on breaking rules (risiko tanggung sendiri) and maybe on changing the lame mentality about one's universiy.

So, adik-adik, nama sebenar UIA yang awak nak masuk ni macam tajuk entry ni. Tapi kalau makcik-makcik awak tanya awak masuk unibersiti mana, awak jawab je UIA habis cerita. Yelah, dengan diorang kena guna bahasa direct & senang faham. Tapi kalau awak masuk sini, biasa orang panggil CFS je. Okay, ready?


So, briefly nak cakap kat sini, once dah dapat UIA, degree awak nanti pun still kat UIA. And since hospital UIA bakal dibuka, sciences students ada possibility besar untuk kerja kat situ. So, pros dia UIA ni memang sayang sangat budak dia sampai kadang-kadang terlebih 'jaga'. Degree insyaAllah dalam tangan kalau awak belajar betul-betul.

           Cons dia, UPU untuk degree nanti bukan untuk awak. UPU degree nanti hanya untuk kawan awak yang matriks/ UM/ IB/ AUSMAT/SAM and so on. Yes, CFS students will only enter degree in UIA (kalau ada rezeki mungkin dapat universiti lain yang kena apply secara personal). Yep, certain people bosan duduk tempat samaaaa je so yeah, bukan nak kata UIA tak sesuai. Mungkin awal-awal rasa macam ewww tak berkembang la otak duduk dalam UIA je (hang dok hadap buku/fb/ig manjang jgn salahkan UIA tak kembangkan otak hang). Tapi lama-lama insyaAllah, just give your heart a space to love something you don't. Hidayah akan sampai la nanti ehheh.

                  Ada jugak case macam roommate aku sendiri. Dia dah satu sem kat UIA tapi still rasa UIA tak sesuai dengan jiwa dia, Then, next sem dia keluar. Dia kata dia taknak stuck kat UIA sampai bila-bila. So, dia sanggup masuk Form 6 tahun 2015 (SPM 2013). Aku pun rasa macam bangang dulu minta UIA, tapi macam aku cakap tadi, you have to fake it to make it. Sekarang, takdelah suka sangat UIA ni at least boleh terima hakikat la yang 'I am a IIUM student' miahahaha

Best ke UIA ni?

The popular and probably the first thing you will asked when you get your UPU result kan? Okay konsepnya, tak kenal maka tak cinta. Ada certain kes, yang dah kenal pun tak cinta-cinta jugak tu personal problems. Basically, it is how you adapt and accept the environment.

        Kat UIA ni, boleh dikatakan hampir setiap minggu ada talk. Tak kisahlah talk pasal islamism / marriage / current issues. Tapi semua perkara baik & buat kita berfikir. Cuma, atas kita sama ada nak pergi ke tak je. Yep, semua tempat pun, kebaikan itu merata, bergantung pada individu tu nak kutip yang baik atau still nak cari yang tak baik. Get it?

     Cafe kat sini berlambak, pilih je cafe mana korang nak pergi. Bosan makan kat cafe? Hari selasa boleh pergi pasar malam. Sorry, I tak makan kat pasar malam (aku lempang karanggg). Boleh pergi Jaya One, ada mamak, sushi king, boat noodles. Jalan kaki je. Tak puas hati lagi? Weekend naiklah bas pergi Mid Valley ka, naik LRT pergi merayap ka. Suka hatilah. Tapi cerita sedihnya, korang akan duduk kat CFSPJ ni satu sem je. Sebab Januari 2016,  semua rakyat CFS kena pindah pergi Gambang. Ya, so satu sem ni goooooo, pusing satu Selangor. Pergi semua mall, hutan, air terjun, theme park and experience everything sebelum mereput kat Gambang ahahha.

Masuk UIA kena pakai tudung labuh ke?

Ahahaha ni memang mentaliti yang sangat lame pasal UIA. Well, sebenarnya aku pun kena tempias mentaliti ni dulu XD Okay, sooooo konsepnya senang je, TUTUP AURAT. Walapun awak tak pakai tudung labuh, tapi pakai tudung bawal/ shawl / instant shawl / tudung neelofa (hijabster pls continue these lists)  yang menutup aurat.See,  Islam itu mudah kan?

             BUT SISTERS!!!!! Okay, apa yang aku nak cakap kat sini aurat itu bukan rambut je. Yaaaa, semua orang tahu semua tubuh badan kecuali dan tapak tangan adoi apa lah T.T Then, do it! Jangan, pakai jubah, tapi bila berjalan nampak 'garis-garis' yang patutnya tak nampak kat belakang. Nampak gunung-gunung tu turun naik. So, beli yang longgar & sebaiknya pakai seluar kat dalam. Jangan, pakai tudung, tapi orang lain boleh nampak leher korang, rambut yang korang buat tocang kuda kat belakang. So, pakai inner kat dalam okay? Takpe panas dunia, jangan panas kat neraka.

        Bukan nak bajet ustazah, kalau ikutkan bukan UIA je kena buat macam ni, universiti lain pun kena jugak, cuma penekanan tu lain-lain. So, kat dunia aku ingatkan dulu, jangan kat akhirat nanti korang claim takde orang nak nasihat korang kat dunia. Well, takpe kalau tak dapat buat semua sekaligus, asal istiqamah ehheh.

          Okay so aku nak cerita pasal aku ehemm ahahah -'- So, sebelum aku masuk pun aku macam korang, siap cakap kat diri sendiri lagi aku takkan pakai tudung labuh! Tudiaa aihh. Aku pakai macam biasa jelah tudung bawal cotton nipis bidang 45 tu. Then, aku perasan tudung aku tu jarang, so, okay aku beli inner. Tetiba dah lama sikit, aku perasan yang tudung ni rasa macam pendek je. So, ceh bajet, aku ada lah beli dua tiga tudung akel kat butik dalam CFS. Tudung akel dalam ni murah sangat Nanti korang dah masuk, korang cari lah butik sebelah tangga Mahallah Zainab okay! (makcik butik tu kena bagi aku komisen promote butik dia ni ahaha). Sebenarnya, takde siapa pun tegur tudung pendek ke apa, cuma rasa tu datang dengan sendiri. So I guess, kalau kita duduk dalam environment yang baik, sooner or later kita akan jadi baik gituuu insyaAllah (cuma aku ni tak baik-baik wakaka)

Masuk UIA mesti jumpa budak2 baik je kan? Hmmmm

Okay satu lagi mentality yang paling susah nak ubah. Bila budak UIA buat salah, 'Ish nama je UIA, tapi perangai lebih kurang je dengan kita' , 'Budak UIA macam ni perangai? Teruk gila' Well well, memang budak UIA ramai yang baik-baik, tapi janganlah kita expect dorang tu ma'sum. Dorang pun manusia, dorang pun ada zaman jahiliyah (or masih dalam zaman jahiliyah). Senang cerita macam ni lah, kalau nak judge, judge secara individual, bukan kolektif. Get it?

Nak kena bawak apa nak masuk universiti ni?

Okay adik adik -'- Kalau nak tau, ni soalan paling annoying kalau korang tanya senior korang. So, jangan fikir banyak-banyak. Bawa baju yang boleh muat dalam beg. Bawa barang mandi yang biasa pakai. Bawa buku tulis / test pad / pencil box & isinya. Bawa buku teks yang senior kasi. Kalau taknak bawa, beli. Easy peasy. UIA pun ada mart jual benda-benda basic ni. And yeah, buku teks memang dia akan jual kat department masing-masing, Relax relax, dah masuk sini baru fikir semua tu.

Boleh ke pakai jeans / t-shirt kalau nak outing?

Okay, ikut peraturan memang tak boleh. But rules are meant to be broken kan? Yang ni payah sikit nak jawab sebab benda ni bergantung pada nasib korang & pak guard yang jaga masa tu Ada pak guard yang tahpape, dah pakai kain kembang-kembang longgar-longgar pun dia tahan, dah takde kerja sangat kot. Ada pak guard yang pakai seluar ketat pun lepas, dah malas nak layan kot. Benda ni ikut musim jugak sebenarnya. Alhamdulillah, aku setakat ni tak pernah kena tahan. Cuma kalau korang nak selamat, bawaklah kain spare dalam beg. Nanti bila pak guard halau balik hostel suruh tukar baju, tukar je terus kat Mahallah Fatimah tu (mahallah sebelah pondok pakguard) Kalau korang ni dare devil, hentam sajalah,

Ada Syiah ke kat UIA ni?

Ahamdulillah, setakat ni aku tak jumpa lagi. Mungkin sebab CFS kot so macam tak terdedah sangat dengan syiah ni. Tapi tak tahu aku yang tak jumpa, ataupun dorang taqiyyah masa tu. Technically, syiah-syiah ni banyak kat main campus sebab ramai international students & lecturers. Tapi korang akan belajar Islamic Revealed Knowledge (RKA) & Religions in Malaysia (RIM) kat CFS ni. So, tahulah sikit pasal agama-agama lain & fahaman-fahaman yang ada kat Malaysia. InsyaAllah tak terpengaruh, have faith okay?

Anything else?

Banyak sebenarnya, tapi aku malas nak cerita. Apa korang ni, takkanlah semua benda nak tanya seniors. Korang dah nak jadi UNIVERSITY STUDENT gitu haaaa.  Masa ni lah korang nak explore benda baru sendiri, rite?  Universiti ni alah lek je. Sekejap je korang boleh adapt dengan  UIA ni. Seniors baik-baik (bukan aku eh ahahah), kawan baik-baik. Seriously, everything will be fine. Think positive, yup yang ni serious. Kalau korang dok fikir apa pun tak boleh, apa pun tak bolehlah kan?

So, adik-adik, mindset tu penting. Belajar jadi terbuka, belajar terima pendapat orang lain, belajar untuk memahami. Sebab sekarang ni Malaysia kekurangan orang macam ni. (macam takde kena mengena je dengan entry ni). And yeah, being independent and adventurous is soooooo good. You can always seek for guidance but sometimes you need to do something new, something thrilling. Go outside! Jangan bawa perangai SPM hadap buku sepanjang masa, your knowledge is not only in those pieces of paper, it is beyond that!

Welcome to the Garden of Knowledge and Virtue
So, good luck guys!

Tok Bali's vacation

Masa ni kat INTEC lagik. HAHAHHA. Ni kalau buat pekasam ni kaw2 ni. Plan dalam whatsapp and sadly Wawa tak dapat join. So masa nak pergi tu, Zana datang INTEC dari Kelana Jaya. Sebab senang sikit la INTEC kan dekat dengan bustand.

4 orang sampai Jerteh pagi tu. Hanim & Huda dari Pahang.

Okay, nak cakap awal-awal. Gambar bawah bawah ni semua penuh selfie je.

Traveller angaddd padahal dulu outing kat sini je xD

Tunggu Jaa melaram lama sangat, sempat la dapat idea street photography.

Huda, Jaa, Zana, Hanim, NZ, Mimi

Okay sebelum pergi Tok Bali, pergi SAIS dulu.
Haritu tak pergi hari anugerah SAIS xD Alang-alang tu nak jumpa anak-anak hehh.

Koranggg cepat laaa nak selfie idok ni?

Fav girl ever. Good luck for SPM! May Russia will destined for you.


Udah sampe Tok Bali

Lepas baling semua bag dalam bilik.

Seghonok aih main kayuh bot. Sebenarnya nak mandi kat pantai, tapi taknak ambil risiko, mandi kat swimming pool jaa lah.

Nak pi mana? Selfie.

Hanim, Jaa, jadi food hunter untuk bebudak ni.

Okay dah taktau nak letak caption apa, tapi malam tu penat

sebab selfie hehh

Rise and shine ppl!

Mana boleh check out macam tu je, 1 tonnes pictures is a must! xD

A very nice vacation with crazy people. Hope we will make it another one soon.